Archive for April, 2009

Courtney Love Doing Her Best To Look Attractive

This is the mother of bad ideas…

This classy princess of immaculate taste is throwing together some bras and panties to sell in a store on Sunset Boulevard.  Love managed to score financial backing from David LaChapelle to start her very own boutique.

Source:  Hollywood Dame

I’d be curious to see how many regular people find underwear that smells of cigarette smoke and bras that are specially designed to hold those mini liquor bottles attractive.  Although, I hear Amy Winehouse has already pre-ordered 10 sets from Courtney’s new Meth Collection.

Christina Applegate The Most Beautiful?

I thought People Magazine has a shred of journalistic integrity.  Maybe they’re all just blind over there…

“I used to be really shy but I started to come into my own in my late 20s and early 30s,” Applegate, 37, says in the cover interview for the annual Most Beautiful issue — her first interview since her reconstructive breast surgery last November. “Now I’m not afraid to speak up in a room full of people and be a part of the conversation.”

“You have to get through the physical transformations,” continues the “Samantha Who?” star, who underwent a double mastectomy in July, “then buck up, go to work and try to be the normal, happy Christina for everyone around you.”

Applegate is joined on PEOPLE’s Most Beautiful list by newcomer Robert Pattinson, Kristen Stewart, Dev Patel, Selena Gomez, Channing Tatum, and Natalie Morales.

Source:  Yahoo OMG!

Who are half of these people?  And Christina Applegate, seriously?  Did I just wake-up from a weird dream about living 15 years into the future where the hottest girls were actually people like Petra Nemcova, Angelina Jolie, and Megan Fox?  Please tell me it isn’t 1994 again.

2pac

Tupac Shakur Alive and Well – Photos – Hollywood Dame

Kate Winslet Worried For Keira – Female First

Lane Garrison Released From Prison – Star

Heidi Montag: “Ready to Get Out of Pig Flu Country!” – US Magazine

Julia Roberts Swears By Tom Hanks – Celebrity Milkshake

Mary-Kate Olsen In: The Case of the Disappearing Eyebrows – Webster’s Is My Bitch

Miss Australia, Stephanie Naumoska

Food is so overrated…

An Australian Miss Universe finalist, whose rail-thin appearance caused a stir as she pranced down the catwalk in a bikini, tells Good Morning America, she was singled out and victimized for her skinny appearance in the contest.

“I’ve never been anorexic or bulimic, I’ve never been malnourished or underfed,” Stephanie Naumoska said. “I live a healthy, active lifestyle.”

Source:  Celebitchy

That’s right!  You tell those judgemental, nosey fatsos who question your natural beauty when all they do is stuff their faces with gross stuff like food.  And you have even discovered a talent that those losers certainly can’t do.  Show them all how when you swallow you can actually see the food move through your digestive system.  I think I see a future talent segment winner here!   (Seriously, I would still bang her.  And, yes, I’m definitely a man-pig.)

Linda Hogan Looking Cartoonish

God won’t let this happen…

Brooke Hogan may think her dad was joking about understanding O.J. Simpson, but mom’s taking it very seriously. According to TMZ, Linda Hogan asked a Florida court to make Hulk pay her another $8,200 a month so she can move to California, claiming she’s in “imminent danger of becoming a victim.” She also wants $24,000 for advance rent and a deposit.

Source:  Scandalist

I can’t believe that your court system is actually stupid enough to give this money-grubbing wrinkle-bag more money for this.  Hey, Ididn’t agree with what he said, and it made him look like an idiot, but when does the bloodsucking stop in these divorce cases.  Hulk doesn’t get her pussy anymore so why should she get his money.  Marriage is a business arrangement and you broke it off so get that 19 year olds dick out of her mouth and get a job.  I’m sure Walmart could always use another elderly greeter.

Madonna Looking Rough

They had better stock-up on make-up…

The Material Girl isn’t giving up her role as the face of Louis Vuitton yet. Following the success of her spring/summer ads for the luxury goods giant, Madonna will continue on as the face of the luxury house’s Fall/Winter 2009 collection.

Source:   People

I’m honestly amazed people still like to look at her face.  I gave up around ’91 when I was able to catch a glimpse without having a trash can next to me just in case I got a bit queesy.  And I don’t feel like taking a chance at losing my dinner tonight.  That lasagna was just too good to waste on her.

Christopher Walken Style Icon

Christopher Walken, Cut Off That Mullet! – Scandalist

Lindsay Lohan still wearing a bikini – The Superficial

Britney Spears’ Former Manager Forced to Stay Away for Three Years – US Magazine

Gemma Merton Bikini Pictures – CelebGossipz

Hugh Jackman’s balls in a bag – Celebrity Rumors

Paris got groped – CelebSlam

Faith Hill Poses as 3 Famous Blondes! – Stars Are Blind

Sam Lufti Ordered To Stay Away From Britney Spears For Three Years! – Stupid Celebrities

Octomom Pissed at Stripper Rumors, Plans Lawsuit – The Hollywood Gossip

Julia Roberts was well prepared – The Blemish

Chuck Wicks and Julianne Hough

To me this just seems like a reasonable way to show you care…

Chucks Wicks says he didn’t mean for Dancing With the Stars to turn into Dirty Dancing last week.

While performing the samba with his partner (and real-life girlfriend) Julianne Hough, he accidentally grabbed her bosom.

“I have to clear it up — it was by accident!” he said Monday on 104.3MYfm’s Valentine in the Morning in L.A.

Source:  US Magazine

If people don’t like those kind of accidents then you definitely wouldn’t want me dancing with her as I also tend to quite accident-prone.  And with a sexy, blond Julianne Hough grinding on me most of them would involve a sticky, wet feeling in my pants.  That reminds me, I have to pick-up some more super concentrated detergent tomorrow.

Hugh Jackman

Hugh Jackman is afraid of the swine…

Twentieth Century Fox has decided to postpone the premiere of X-Men Origins: Wolverine set for Wednesday in Mexico City, as the city remains paralyzed by the virus that has killed over 100 people. Dozens of cases of swine flu have also been detected stateside. (For information about the swine flu, click here.)

“We were not only concerned about Hugh’s welfare – and we would never send anyone into harm’s way – but we also have an enormous office filled with people we care about,” says a rep for the studio. “There was no point in proceeding under the current conditions.”

Source:  People

I think this is just a big cover-up for what I believe is Hugh’s deep hatred for Mexico.  He seems to be unable to erase the memory of running out of toilet paper after innocently taking a drink of water from that old lady at the airport. And when you don’t have any more toilet paper you can only get yourself so clean using tortilla chips.  And I hear they burn like a mother.

Patton Oswalt

I wonder what the wife looks like…

Patton Oswalt, who is the voice of Rémy in 2007′s animated hit Ratatouille, and his wife Michelle have welcomed their first child, a daughter, the couple tells PEOPLE exclusively.

Alice Rigney Oswalt was born April 15 at 4:13 p.m. in Los Angeles.

“I’m blissfully exhausted and exhausted-ly blissful,” Oswalt tells PEOPLE.

Source:  People

Someone actually let this doughy midget mount them and willingly inject his seed into their womb?  Damn, I really need to work harder with the ladies.  I guess flashing a roll of dollar bills and pulling my pants down so my ass shows isn’t cutting it.  Maybe if I say phrases forward and backward like Patton it will be adorable enough to get me hittin’ the skins.  “Hey baby, I’m really horny and hornily really.”  How could anyone resist that?