Archive for May, 2009

Tom Cruise At His Most Comfortable

Who didn’t see this coming…

According to The National Enquirer, not only that Katie doesn’t find it the right moment to have another kid, but she is also ‘inadequate’ for Tom’s sexual desires! Oh My God!!!! I mean, I never experienced Katie, but for God’s sake, Tom is 46!

Source:  Why Fame

‘Inadequate for sexual desires’ must be Tom’s code for ‘doesn’t have a penis’.  She’s better sticking with just one child anyway.  The minute that second one can talk those two rug rats would be plotting to takeover the world with their Xenu powers.

-And, yes, that is Tom Cruise with a guy.  I just thought that would be a more appropriate pic for this story.  Plus, he looks very comfortable with his arm draped over those manly shoulders.

Jessie James and John Mayer

At least he can’t blame it on a lack of trying…

Singer Jessie James told the radio program that she met John Mayer in Manhattan.

“He had someone send for me [from] across the room,” Jessie James stated. “He had a bunch of girls with him and he said, ‘We should [all] go back to my apartment.’ ”

John Mayer left early to avoid the paparazzi, and when they got to Mayer’s apartment, “We were all hanging out and everyone started to gradually leave. It was just he and I at this point. I told him, ‘I need some taxi money, I’m gonna go home now.’

Source:  Stupid Celebrities

I don’t think the interesting part of this story is part where John Mayer was hitting on girls or trying to put together some sort of male fantasy orgy with a bunch of hot girls.  I think it’s the fact that she had the nerve to ask him for taxi money and then calls him out on the radio for being an asshole.  Sounds to me like she needs to quit singing and get a real job.  Can’t rely on your looks and bad personalities forever, ladies.

Natalie Portman Has What Color Panties?

Natalie Portman shows off her granny panties…and matching socks – The Daily Fix

More Gone Ho Journalism From Courtney Love Via Twitter – Starcasm

Celebrities Look Stupid When They Make Out – Holy Taco

Lindsay Lohan finally lands another acting gig – but can she behave on set? – NY Daily News

Mark Wahlberg Finally Getting Married – Exposay

Vanessa Hudgens Naked Again?

Do I smell an Oscar in her future…

“I will show nudity in a film when the time is right”, Hudgens recently told E! Online at the Diesel Only the Brave cologne launch party. “Right now, I wouldn’t feel comfortable doing it, but like I said, when the time’s right, if it’s an amazing movie that I’m really passionate about and that’s what it calls for, we’ll see.”

Source:  These Boots Are Made For Stalking

What do you mean this isn’t the right time?!  How about now?  Now?  How about now?  I know what you need first.  I’ll run out and get you that razor ASAP.  And don’t act like you don’t know what I’m talking about.  I saw your last nude pictures, you had a wookie in your lap.  In fact, I’d better get an electric razor instead.  I have a feeling your arm will get tired with the other one.

Kate Winslet

Kate Winslet is thin skinned…

The Daily Mail ran a piece called “Should Kate Winslet Win an Oscar for the World’s Most Irritating Actress?” in which the writer, Liz Jones, accused Kate of “succumbing” to pressure to lose weight, and called her “as drippy and as impossibly vain as the rest of them [Hollywood stars].” Kate is reportedly “distressed and embarrassed” and feels the article has “injured her personal and professional relationships” and is thus seeking $225,000 in damages.

Source: Blah Girls

And because she is so depressed she actually needs that money to buy crumpets or whatever the hell they eat over there to balloon her ass back to a size where I’ll no longer want to motorboat her cheeks.  I’m sure there has to be a positive in all this, though.  When women gain weight their tits get bigger, right?  Yes?  Good enough for me.

George Clooney Vomits?

George Clooney blew chunks – The Blemish

Travis Barker’s Ex Shanna Moakler Quits Miss California USA Director – ThecounT

Spencer Pratt: “I don’t have to have talent;” Heidi is better than Beyonce – Celebitchy

Robin Williams Reveals Doctors Gave Him ‘Two Weeks’ To Have Heart Surgery – Yahoo! omg!

Hayden Panettiere continues banging Hollywood – The Superficial

Ashley Olsen Strips Down to Her Bra in Racy Photo Shoot – US Magazine

Marilyn Manson Rises From The Crypt For Sushi – Pink Is The New Blog

Amy Winehouse Puts On Usual Stage Performance – Derek Hail

Anchor Loses His Cool With Gay Activist – Gone Hollywood

People Magazine Outs Kristin Davis? – Starcasm

Katy Perry loves Adam Lambert! – Dana’s Dirt

Rihanna Sings Out Her Silly Pain – Celebrity Milkshake

Old and Older Cher

This must be Cher’s latest attempt at trying to make me vomit…

At a David Foster and Friends concert Saturday in Las Vegas, the singer, 62, wore a sheer black bodysuit, similar to the one she wore 20 years ago in her “Turn Back Time” video. She accessorized with a pair of thigh-high boots and suspenders.

The singer – who went on hiatus in 2008 after headlining a show at Vegas’ Caesar’s Palace – admitted that she has to work harder than ever to slip back into those barely-there costumes.

Source: US Magazine

And just as I thought, I now have to work harder than ever to keep that El Polo Loco I ate today in my stomach instead of all over my keyboard.  Honestly, if you just don’t look at her face or any of the exposed flesh she’s showing it isn’t that bad.  I’m actually focusing on the middle button on her right arm above the microphone if you care to join me.  I feel this is the safe zone.

Shirley Jones In Playboy?

Hugh says if he can’t get a boner then you can’t, either…

Shirley Jones…is considering posing NUDE for Playboy – at the ripe old age of 75.

Her husband and manager says that she is ready and willing to do it, and that she still looks good for her age.

Source:   Snarky Gossip

Oh, yeah, she looks fantastic.  I know you were really hurt when those three skanks left you a few months ago, but why are you thinking of punishing every male in America by lettingthis G.I.H.F (Grandma I’d Hate to Fuck) Shirley Jones burn our eyeballs with visions of her love tunnel?  I get that this has been a tough time for you, I totally understand and I’m sorry.  With that being said, go take your broken heart and barely operational penis back into your office and pick me out a tight 19 year old with smooth skin and huge knockers to look at.  It’s your duty, good sir.

Spencer Pratt A Rapper?

Spencer Pratt Rap Album – Pop Crunch

Robert Pattinson Gets Naked In Little Ashes – Daily Fill

Sienna Miller and her bad-girl side – Why Fame

Lindsay Lohan Likes Being Able To Count Her Ribs – Daily Fill

Amy Fisher is all class – Celebridiot

Michael Landon’s Son Mark Landon Found Dead At 60 – Stupid Celebrities

Chloe Sevigny Wants To Kick Butt In A Film – Daily Stab

Now we’re gettin somewhere – WWTDD?

Avril Lavigne: Baby On Board? – Fame Crawler

Jason Bateman Kisses Jennifer Aniston – PopSugar

Paula Abdul Wants Publicity

Paula Abdul does her best to use animals and blind people to distract us from her personal life…

In connection with Guide Dog Month, Paula Abdul presents legally blind American Idol contestant Scott MacIntyre with a guide dog.

This just underscores the wonderful benefit and capabilities dogs give us besides unconditional love.

Source: I Need My Fix

So let me get this straight.  Paula Abdul gave a guide dog to a guy who has lived his entire life blind but was still able to perform choreographed dance routines on American Idol and who deals with obstacles on a daily basis that most of can’t even imagine.  That being said I would have to figure he is perfectly capable of knowing where to walk and where not to at this point.  And that is more than I can for Paula.  I actually think he should have gotten her a present instead.  I’ll have to let him know I saw extra large pill boxes on sale at Walgreens yesterday.