Archive for October, 2009

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Face & Hair – A-

Hair is elegant and perfectly colored.  Smile could be a little bit Jokerish but who gives a shit with a face like that.  Beautiful.

Body - A-

Give me one more cup size higher and we have a winner.  Gorgeous waist hand hips but the knees are a bit knobby.  Love the white nail polish on the fingers.

Clothing – A

Simple look is always preferred.  Doesn’t distract you from the person and makes their best features stand out even more.  This is a great example.  Nice solid red color with black shoes. Excellent look.

Overall Look - A-

Recommendation: bump up the boobs and get a little darker tan

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The sight of this girl makes me physically ill.

Face & Hair – D

I always thought famous people were supposed to be attractive.  Way to ruin it for me, Anna.  Her mouth is fucking scary, eyes are droopy, and head is too football shaped.

Body – C

Where the fuck are her tits!?  Was she a gymnast or something?  Calves are lumpy and feet are veiny and gross.  Hips and thighs look okay, but the arms are too toned to be sexy.

Clothing – D

No one should ever wear a brown dress.  And to match it with bright red shoes is a disaster.  Hopefully that was meant to distract us from her face.

Overall Look - D+

Recommendation: move to Iraq where they’d make you cover your face when you’re in public

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This is a Victoria’s Secret swimsuit model?  That reminds me, I think I need to cancel my subscription.

Face & Hair – B

Weak chin, nose looks fat, hair color looks straight out of a box, and the rouge on her cheeks is too red.  Saw a better looking girl on the street just a few minutes ago.

Body – C-

Are we sure this isn’t a picture of Kirsti Alley?  What type of model is this chubby?  She looks pregnant, those thighs and ass are gargantuan, and she has back fat.  Someone please throw her back in the water.

Clothing – D

Horrible cut for her body type,  Shows off all the wrong places.  Might look good on a normal girl but definitely not this fat ass.

Overall Look – D+

Recommendation: go work where you would actually fit in…..Curves

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Face & Hair – A-

She gets an A- because she has a bit of a bobble head, but those super cute cheeks and smile carry her far.  The hair is sexy but don’t like it parted in the middle like that.

Body – A+

Can’t fault God on this one.  Honestly, I’ve got nothing.  Fantastic!

Clothing – A+

The only problem is that I would have voted for less fabric.  Otherwise, I love the top and the skirt reminds me of a cheerleader.  Hopefully it’s the cheerleader who would give blowjobs under the bleachers after practice.

Overall Look – A

Recommendation: please stop fucking attractive, rich guys like Orlando Bloom and just accept your average future with me

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That movie she did as the lesbo sure scared the shit out of me.  Can’t seem to shake that image of her.  Popping out a tit might help, though.

Face & Hair – B

Good looking girl but age is catching up with her.  Pointy chin and the face is a little puffy.  Hair is way too old-fashioned and should be straightened.

Body – B+

Something about her shoulders is manly.  They’re too boxy and broad.  Boobs are okay, legs are fantastic, and the tattoo on her foot is actually sexy.

Clothing – B-

The fact that the two blacks she is wearing are different colors is distracting.  The glittery shoes aren’t necessary, either.  Should do a dark purple dress with black shoes and a black glittery bag instead.

Overall Look – B

Recommendation: enjoy the last few years that you can show off your legs without a million spider veins on them

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Face & Hair – A-

Her head is overall pretty attractive.  Better than she looks on Glee with her hair always pulled back.  Make-up and hair are nice but damn if she doesn’t need a tan.

Body – C+

She must give a lot of head because her knees are tore up.  Legs are blotchy and bruised as well.  Boobs are almost non-existent.  Slight pooch going on in the belly area.

Clothing - D

Ugly as shit.  What the fuck are those things on her arms?  Horrendous.  Black and purple dress would look smokin’ on her.

Overall Look - B-

Recommendation: always keep your hair down and try to lose another 10lbs.  looking better, though.

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Face & Hair – B+

Actually has a pretty cute face.  Upper lip is a bit thin but not too bad.  Hair is shiny and nice but her cheeks are fat.

Body – D+

23 year old tits should never look like this.  Looks like she cut a tennis ball in half and stuck the two pieces down her shirt.  And she didn’t even cut them evenly.  Hips have no shape and the thighs are bumpy.  Feet are gross with the burn marks and the toenails that are dark around the edges.

Clothing – D

Something I would expect to see on 60 year old Meryl Streep.  It only highlights the many flaws of your body.  And I want to fucking throw those ugly, shit shoes in a wood chipper.

Overall Look – C-

Recommendation: boob job, boob job, boob job

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Face & Hair – D+

Her mother must have squeezed her vagina really tight when pushing old Lisa out.  Fucked up her face in all kinds of ways.  You already see the eyes, but her teeth are bucky, too.  Big nose and pointy chin.  Checks are actually nice but the hair is horrible.  I’ve never seen a forehead combover on a girl before.

Body – C

Hips and thighs are lumpy and fat.  Slight belly but has great tits.

Clothing – B

Ugly sparkling shit on her shoulders, but otherwise its a sexy dress.  Accentuates her fat nicely.  Looks like their is an outline of big underwear underneath.  Not cool.

Overall Look – C

Recommendation: wear sunglasses, don’t smile, and eat less carbs

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Face & Hair – B

She has a case of the old sucked-in face.  Could be from giving too many blowjobs.  Lips are too big and her eyes look cat-like.  Slow down on the surgery.  The hair is perfect.

Body – A-

Awesome body but too muscular in her arms and shoulders.  No one want to fuck a girl who could potentially kick their ass.  Legs are great, feet are great, waist & hips are fantastic.  Boobs may be a bit too pushed together.

Clothing – A

Dress hugs her curves in all the right places.  Not much to complain about here.  Other than that bag is fucking ugly.

Overall Look – A-

Recommendation: slow down at the gym and cover your face with the hair as much as possible

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Face & Hair – C+

Face is too round with no cheek definition.  All girls need to stop wearing red lipstick.  Her hair color is fucked, her eyes are too squinty, and her nos is too thin and bumpy.

Body – B+

Minus the horrendous spray tan that is terribly uneven, I like her body.  Nice and thin with what looks like great boobs.  Her legs need to be toned a lot more.  The thighs look like tree stumps.  A little muscle in them and she’d be a lot better off.

Clothing – C+

The top of the dress is great, but that grey thing flying all over the place around her waist is fucking ugly.  The shoes are was too obnoxious for this outfit.  The brightness of the shoes is overpowering.

Overall Look – B-

Recommendation: get more creative in hiding your big hips and thighs and color that shitty hair