Archive for November, 2009

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Face & Hair – B

If you cut her body off I’m not all that mad at her face.  I like the eye make-up and her hair pulled across like that.  She’s kind of cute.

Body – D+

Pasty white skin, fat gut, hunched shoulders, small tits, and large dumper.  What more could a guy ask for?

Clothing – F

What the fuck were you thinking?  Is that straight out of the Beetlejuice streetwalker collection? Must have a healthy self-image to stick it all out like that.

Overall Look – D

Recommendation: either step outside in the sun once in a while or cover that shit up

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Face & Hair – F

AAAAAAHHHHHH!  Kill it!  Kill it!  Women, please use this as a reason to cancel the appointment with the plastic surgeon.  I would rather look at a natural face than this monstrosity.  Not one damn thing to compliment.

Body – C

She is skinny, and I like that.  The tattoo on her lower leg is ugly and distracting.  She has nice feet.  Those boobs are ridiculous and need to be re-done correctly.

Clothing – D

Looks like something my grandmother would crochet for a common prostitute.  Color is ugly and that animal she’s holding doesn’t help.  Those shoes are tired and she needs to stop thinking they’re cool.

Overall Look - E

Recommendation: find a way back to 1995 and kick your own ass for considering going under the knife

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Face & Hair – C-

Mullet, anyone?  Ugly hair color that is too dark.  Chin is too angular and lips are thin and bitchy looking.  Come to think of it, so are her eyes.

Body – B-

Slouched shoulders, different color skin on her arms than on her legs, and itty bitty titties ruin what is her only good asset:  her thin legs.

Clothing – B

Skirt and shoes are hot, but that top is straight out of Wal-Mart.

Overall Look – C

Recommendation: stand-up straight, get an even tan, and stop with the Achy Breaky Heart hair

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Face & Hair – C-

Face is definitely her worst asset.  Getting super wrinkly and the teeth have turned the corner into old lady territory.  Nose and ears are too big and the hair should be used to cover her face more.

Body – A-

From this pic alone she gets an A-.  Could be a fluke, but I think she looks hot here.  Those legs are thin, toned, and sexy.  Boobs look good, too, but feet are veiny.

Clothing – B+

Like the dress and color on her.  Should lose the jacket unless she’s planning on performing some magic tricks.

Overall Look – B-

Recommendation: micro-dermabrasion and veneers, stat!

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Face & Hair - C+

Kind of looks like a Wayans Brother.  The hair color is horrible and black/half-black women should never do blonde.  Probably was a boxer at a young age because that nose is busted.

Body – B-

Super close to having cankles.  Legs are fat and dimply.  Waist is nice, but I think she’s hiding some A cups under there.

Clothing – B+

It’s a weird fit on her, but I sort of like it.  Could be a bit tighter, though.

Overall Look – B-

Recommendation: dye your hair dark brown and hide those ankles

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Face & Hair – A

This chick has an outstanding face.  Great teeth, beautiful skin, and that hairdo actually works on her because of her genetic gifts.  Slight wrinkles around her mouth but I have an idea what that’s from so she gets bonus points for that.

Body – A

Another winner.  Slight bobble head action going on, but otherwise the thin frame and non-veiny hands are a great bonus.   Tits are nice but the arms could be a little big.  MAy just be the angle of the shot.

Clothing – B+

Not bad but I really hate the color.  Makes me want to vomit actually.  Always stick with a safe color and show more legs next time.

Overall Look – A-

Recommendation: wear more skin tight outfits like you did in Underworld

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Face & Hair – B-

WTF!  I hope it isn’t permanently frozen like that.  Raccoon eyes and bad make-up are pretty obvious.  Hair is tragic and styled horribly.  Should always keep her hair down and slightly curled.

Body – B

That hip area is quite bothersome to me.  No curves to be found and there’s some gunt action going on.  Her calf muscles are pointy and gross and her arms are getting veiny in her advanced age.

Clothing – D

They have a Salvation Army store in LA?  Should have left this one on the rack.  Nude color is always a mistake.  And that shit around your tits is laughable.

Overall Look - C-

Recommendation: go back to rehab and bunk with a stylist

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Face & Hair – C+

I hate hair that is pulled back.  Face is okay but it’s fat and shaped like a triangle.  Weird stare scares me a bit.

Body – C-

I seem to remember a time about 10 years ago when this girl was hot.  Food should be outlawed for women when they reach 30.  Liquid diets only.  Broad, manly shoulders that are lumpy with a lumpy body as well.  Very disappointing.

Clothing – C-

Only wear something like this if you’re pregnant.  Trys to make her fat, stumpy legs look longer with a high waistband.  Ugly dress only worn by people who have obviously given up on caring how they look.

Overall Look – C

Recommendation: you can still look at food just don’t eat it

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Face & Hair – B-

Short hair doesn’t work on her, plus it’s not even brushed all the way through.  And she needs to dye the roots.  Face is looking older than she actually is.  Smile lines getting deeper on the cheeks and that nosejob is bad.  She looks either super high or is tired from trying so hard to look her age.

Body – B

I guess it’s not bad, but who can tell with that shitty dress on.

Clothing – F

Holy fuck, what a disaster.  Might as well have worn a garbage bag.  This is the ugliest outfit I’ve seen in a while.

Overall Look – C-

Recommendation: get a tight fitting dress, let your hair grow out, and lay off the weed

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Face & Hair – A-

She as a gorgeous face.  The eyes, skin, make-up, and smile are perfect.  Her ears remind me of Star Trek but that’s nothing her hair can’t cover up.

Body – C

Body is just okay.  Upper arms are pretty flabby, ass is big, and she has a gunt.  I’m seeing a little bit too much arms hair, as well.  Shave that shit.

Clothing – C-

I don’t know who designed that dress, but she needs to just go back to playing bingo at the nursing home.

Overall Look – C+

Recommendation: work-out more than once a year, inflate the boobs, and cover the ears