Archive for the ‘Katy Perry’ Category

Face & Hair – C

She’s always way over the top with her overdone make-up.  It’s cartoonish and not at all hot.  It’s scary in the same way crazy clowns are.  Hair is way too dark.  Needs a few highlights to soften her man face slightly.

Body – B

Too much fat above her knees.  Legs have no definition and this girl is definitely white.  Go outside during the day once in a while.  Knockers are exceptional and should make up for your annoying personality, but alas they do not.

Clothing – C-

Looks like Mickey mouse ears covering her boobs.  Not the most flattering of outfits but it shows off her best asset quite nicely.  Nipples sticking out is a nice touch.  Necklace is super ugly.

Overall Look – C+

Recommendation: realize you’re a woman and stop trying to make yourself up for an audition on the Cartoon Network.  Also, eat less carbs.

Katy Perry Cakes It On

I think she could stop at 3 coats.  Anything else is just overkill in my opinion…

“I have acne scars. I’m self-conscious about that, so sometimes I wear too much makeup to cover them up,” Katy explains. “I got acne at the start of my career. It was a stressful time.”

“…I have insecurities like anyone,” she added.

Source: Sugar Slam

I knew there was a reason she sometimes looks like a whore.  But good for her.  I’ll always give a celebrity credit when they can let something like that out there and own up to it.  No matter what it’s about, the more honest they are the more people will like them.  Now all she has to do is be honest about kissing that girl and NOT liking it.  I get the feeling she’s strictly dickly all the way.  Maybe it’s the whorish make-up. 

Katy Perry Is Strange

This bitch is just plain weird…

Three years ago, the pop star, 24, went to Las Vegas with a boyfriend and decided to get “fake married,” she tells PopEater.com. “We took all the pictures with the minister, with the fake cake, in the fake chapel and got a fake marriage certificate. We went and bought a wedding dress and a suit at a thrift store, and scanned the pictures and the certificate to my family members, my manager at the time [and] totally freaked the s— out of them.”

Source:People

And then they went back to the hotel and she gave him a fake lapdance followed by a fake blowjob.  He graciously returned the favor by faking that he actually wanted her for anything other than sex.  Funny, seems almost like a real relationship to me.

Zooey Deschanel

Zooey Deschanel, who looks an awful lot like Katy Perry, would now be pissed at me because I just said that…

“The only similarity that we have is that we look a little bit alike,” Deschanel told MTV News. “I have met her before. She seems like a nice person. I’m happy that she’s famous enough now that she’s not going out and being mistaken for me.”

“I used to get, ‘I heard you were out at such-and-such club drinking whiskey!’ [when] I was at home watching TV. I think we lead very different lives. At some point I feel like this will stop being a thing. I like the way my life goes. It’s sort of strange to be associated with someone that’s doing such different stuff than me. It’s weird.”

Source: And Pop

You mean it’s weird how she is out having a good time and becoming more famous while you sit at home watching tv?  Yeah, that’s really weird.  And I hate to think of all those times people come up and bother you for an autograph.  That has to be the worst, Katy.  Oops, sorry I meant Zooey.  Hey, weren’t you in Zooey 101?  No, that wasn’t you either?  Damn, 0 for 2.

Katy Perry & Josh Groban

That’s it, I’m slowly beginning to lose faith in the future of our world…

Multiple sources close to both reveal exclusively to PerezHilton.com that singers Josh Groban and Katy Perry are dating!!!!!!!!!

“They’ve been trying to keep it very low profile,” a source familiar with the relationship tells us.

Source: Perez Hilton

Of course they’ve been keeping it quiet.  They don’t want their secret to get out to all of the young, goofy-looking boys singing Michael Bolton songs with their mothers while drying the dishes after supper.  And what is this mysterious secret you ask?  It’s pretty simple…

Making music which rightfully warrants the listener to stab their eardrums out with a crochet needle = Katy Perry straddling your happy parts

So in order to thwart any further bastardization of true physical attraction as intended by nature, I think we should all keep this quiet and just pretend like it never happened.  Rest assured, beautiful but talentless people everywhere will applaude you.